The Top 10 Celebrity Attacks on Reporters
When Reporters Get Attacked!
Hey, did you see the video of John Stossel getting smacked around? C’mon, of course you’ve seen it. The entire friggin’ country’s seen it? They’ve seen it in the space station. Osama saw it on cave-vision last week. The clip made it around the web at Numa Numa speed, which is pretty amazing considering it happened over twenty years ago.
I’m guessing someone decided to post it on their site again a) to coincide with the release of Stossel’s new book, and b) because from what I can gather, a TON of people can’t stand John Stossel. Not too surprising, as he’s a fairly polarizing guy. There are times when I hear what he’s saying and it makes perfect sense. But then I hear he thinks global warming is made up, and I’m like…hit him again.
But reporters getting on people’s nerves isn’t a new thing. Of course they provide an invaluable service, but like Steven Colbert points out, it’s the guys that ask the tough questions like Do you really need to wait a half hour to go swimming that tick us off a bit. Probably an involuntary reflex, built into our DNA, or something. It’s happened a few times, actually. So lets take a look at the…
Top Ten Reporter Attacks by a Celebrity
10) Sean Penn
You knew Spiccoli was gonna make the list, so let’s get him out of the way quick. Sean Penn is a hall of fame reporter-hater, or more specifically paparazzi-hater. But really, who isn’t. Doing jail time in 1987 to prove his devotion to the sport, he once famously remarked Yeah, I punched them out and I’ll do it again if it’s necessary, But that was the Madonna-era Penn. The new Robin Wright-era, Oscar-winning Penn is into helping hurricane victims and visiting Iraq. Beats shooting at helicopters.
9) Pete Rose
You can say he bet on baseball. You can say he lied about betting on baseball. But for God sakes, don’t say he’s a bad tipper. Vegas gossip columnist Norm Clarke learned this the hard way. After including Pete on a list of the ten worst tippers in town, Rose saw Clarke at a restaurant and came over to the table where he was having dinner with Matt Drudge (oops). He slapped him right across the face, and the incident made every paper in the country the next day. Eventually Rose and Clarke patched things up, and Pete slipped him a twenty for his trouble. So it all worked out in the end.
Roho
Had to include one international incident on the list. What, you’ve never heard of Russian Sumo wrestler Roho? No big deal, he’s not very good. Just a couple weeks ago he lost a match in which he was actually thrown three rows deep into the seats. Apparantly that kind of thing makes Roho all cranky and shit because he took it out on two local Japanese photographers, sending one photographer to the hospital with bruises. They shoulda known. You not make Roho mad…Roho smash.
7) TIE: Billy Martin/Tommy Lasorda
At #7 we have a tie between two legendary MLB managers. Billy Martin liked a good scuffle didn’t he? He’s the second hall-of-fame fighter on our list. Sure, he punched Reno sportswriter Ray Hagar in a casino(for what, I’m not sure) and later had to issue a public apology. But Billy spread the love around. He got into fights with fans, a cab driver, a couple topless bar bouncers, several players and a marshmallow salesman (Is that awesome?). He was made for New York, and we miss the hell out of him.
On the other side of the country we have Tommy Lasorda, the famous Dodger manager who brought the team two world series rings. But I’ll always remember him mostly for two things. One, Fletch hated him. And two, his response to reporter Tom Olden when asked what he thought of Dave Kingman’s three run performance. If you listen real close, you can hear eight f-bombs in that one answer…classic.
6) Bobby Knight
Our third and final hall-of-famer, Bobby Knight. The General is an equal opportunity pain-in-the-ass. He would get into a staredown with Mother Theresa if she questioned the man-to-man. He’s gotten into fights with reporters, players, coaches, University officials. I think he called Dakota Fanning a pussy once. When Bob got a bad call, there wasn’t a safe chair in the house. He officially makes this list for an interview he gave Jeremy Schaap in which he told the reporter he had a long way to go before he’d be as good as his dad. But Coach Knight’s inclusion on the list is more of a lifetime achievement award. And no one deserves it more.
And now, we take a short break to bring you whatever the hell this is. Remember kids…You don’t mess with Don Vito.
5) Bjork
I’m sorry, did you just say Bjork? Guess it was the stress of a worldwide tour, or something. Because she goes bjonkers on a British reporter in this clip. She had it coming, though. Apparently, the reporter said something like welcome to Bangkok. Paparazzi scum. That’s probably what drove her to the duck outift.
4) Joe Namath
A common misconception about reporter attacks…they always involve some form of violence. But this isn’t always the case. Take a certain Monday Night Football clip. Mix Joe Namath, being named to the Jets all-time team, and a WHOLE LOT of champagne, and you get reporter attack #4, a little Broadway Joe sugar. Probably thousands of women out there who still think getting hit on by Mr. Namath would be a little slice of heaven. But ABC reporter Suzy Kolber wansn’t having it. Joe’s I want to kiss you was followed by the quickest Back to the Booth moment in sports history. Ouch…Incomplete pass.
3) Zell Miller
Our one politician in the group. Remember Zell Miller? Kicking it old school, Aaron Burr-style, Zell Miller? We’ve had some slaps, some punches, and a pass. But challenging someone to a duel? Well, it just proves what I’ve said all along…Zell Miller is nuts. And if his Darth Vader impression at the Republican Convention didn’t convince you of the same thing, maybe his 2005 endorsement of Ralph Reed did. To be honest, I didn’t know Zell Miller before the duel thing. But I gotta tell ya, I was glued to my set that night. I was sure he’d have his own segment with the WWE after that, but it never panned out. By the way, what’s a metifir?
2) Burt Reynolds
Believe it or not, this one happened across the street from my old apartment. Didn’t see it live, but it was all over the news the next morning. When are reporters gonna learn, you don’t disrespect legends in the biz. You know, your Steven Segals, your Jean-Claude Van Dammes, and definitely not your Burt Reynolds’ss. Burt was walking the red carpet for the Longest Yard remake (there’s a flick that needed to be made) and a reporter actually had the balls to say he hadn’t seen the original. You know you don’t say things like that to the Bandit. I believe if you look up bitchslap in Webster’s, there’s a picture of Burt, circa Deliverance, in pre-whoopass stance. You better recognize.
1) Chris Everett…I MEAN JIM…JIM…CHRIST, CALM DOWN.
Number 1 on our list is a classic. I’ve never followed Jim Rome much, but I’m definitely familiar with the Jim Everett incident. Back in the early 90’s, Rome was just another reporter trying to make a name for himself by being outrageous. And one of his go-to gimmicks was calling Jim Everett “Chris” because of Jim’s tendency to shy away from hits, starting with a famous play called the phantom sack. Not sure why he was so psyched to get under Everett’s skin during this interview, but if he was looking to get thrown off the set…mission accomplished.
If you watch the exchange closely, you can see Rome reliving four years of swirlies in high school, saying to himself “I’ve got you now, I’ve got you now”. Only, he didn’t have him now. And Jim Everett goes into the history books, not for some pretty decent years with the Rams, but for taking Rome’s self-esteem and flushing it before a live audience.
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