Explain the Unexplainable: Bathroom Behavior
Maybe it’s me. Regardless, it seems like any time I spend a few moments in a public restroom something happens that is difficult to explain. Take a shot at these (these have occured over several months - not just today 
):
The guy who washes his hands before going to the toilet - What is this exactly? Do you think your Randy Johnson is sparkling clean, and when you manhandle yourself you’re going to get it dirty?
One reply…
Maybe I can shed some light on the logic of the first one. A guy I know, which shall remain nameless, but who’s first name is britt, and his brother, also nameless who’s first name is barak, had a theory. If they just took a shower that morning… their johnson was clean. as long as there is no splatter or dripage… it should remain so. So, their theory was, they had more germs and bacteria on their hands from just working in their place of business, than was on the johnson. So, wash before…. then go… assuming there is no splash back and/or dripage… walk out without rewashing… since they were never contaminated.
I found it appaling… and never shook their hands again.
The guy who sat down on the toilet for a few minutes, then stood up, turned around, and took a piss - What happened there? You felt the urge then realized you may not end up splashing piss everywhere if you remain seated while you do the deed?
The heavy breather - You are either out of breath from the ten foot walk to the bathroom or from whatever is happening in the stall there. Neither option comforts me.
The itchy scratcher - You’re in the stall next to me and all I can hear is skritch skritch skritch. Unless you’re scratching your bearded chin, stop that please. Just, no.
The bluetoother - I really don’t like when people are bluetoothing it up while in the bathroom. I’ve seen guys at the stall talking into their headsets, or heard phone conversations coming out of a stall.
Porus Boris the man who lets it all go at the stall. Raging current of piss, thundering farts, accompanied usually by coughs but sneezing and burps are not uncommon. By the sounds of it, you must have floated in like a blimp and are oozing liquids and gases from every pore in your body to return to normal state. Shouldn’t you be at the toilet and not the stall?
Picasso Someone once said if you are an artist and you do not pratice your passion then you become depressed. Your spontainious creativity explodes as you doodle poorly sketched penis and boobs on the wall while taking a dump. The thing is, you never sign your masterpiece to let the world know who possesses such artistic talent?
Germophobe I don’t know what’s worse.. touching the door handle that has most likely been opened by guys who didn’t wash their hands, or touching your napkin wrapped around the door handle that has since become soggy wet from guys who didn’t finish drying their hands. I just don’t which to gamble on. But it ruins my day being confronted with such a no win choice.
The bad aim bomber- If your just going to miss the toilet why bother with a stall at all? I’ve been in a public restroom people have missed the toilet and drop a load in the stall.
I’ve also seen where they just took a crap in the urinal.
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